How are you? No really.
For me, the timeframe from Thanksgiving to Christmas is marked with reminders of unexpected loss, joy, anticipation, excitement, and struggles. Twelve years ago, during these weeks, we found our son and brought him home. As I shared in “Principal in Balance,” our adoption story resembled more of a Lifetime movie than a Hallmark Christmas Show, but it ended with a solo trip to Ethiopia and a return to Minnesota on the days before Christmas with a four-year-old.
As Bessel Van Der Kolk wisely notes in “The Body Keeps the Score,” “It takes enormous trust and courage to allow yourself to remember.” I often return to this book during this time as a reminder of the importance of revisiting and acknowledging past traumatic experiences.
Acknowledging the Complexity:
For our family, this season brings immense joy because we gained a son, but it isn’t without profound sadness. During this season, he also lost his regular connection with his mom, grandmother, and extended family back home. You might be struggling with a different type of loss, and that’s okay. Letting go of the perception of what you “think” this season needs to be should be replaced with what you need to flourish through unexpected events.
Flour·ish: a period of thriving
According to Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com, flourishing is marked by vigorous and healthy growth, very active success, and prosperity. However, you define it – sign me up for feeling this way more often.
Strategies for Flourishing:
But how do you find ways to flourish through a season that has historically been challenging in work, life, or both? Van Der Kolk emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment, both internally and externally, to engage in the process of remembering and healing from trauma. For us, that means our holiday season looks different than others, and that is okay.
We don’t decorate a ton, but we ensure that artifacts represent our lives both in America and back in Africa. This month, we reinforce routines and keep it as low key as possible – more rest, less stress, and a lot of together time just holding space for whatever feelings might come.
Mayo Clinic’s Dr. Amit Sood shares in a video podcast the importance of accepting that there will be chaos instead of trying to assert more control; the more at peace we will be. And that peace also means letting go of others’ opinions of how the holidays should look and leaning into what you need to flourish this year, in this season.
A Personal Tradition:
Every year, right around Christmas, we drive back to the airport and sit and watch other families reconnecting. We remember the first time we all became a family here in Minnesota, ending with a traditional Ethiopian meal.
So if you are going into this year’s holiday season struggling, I am sorry. I hope that these resources and a little more revealing of our struggles and story might help you or someone out there to know that you are not alone, and the only wrong way to do this is to do nothing at all.
Call-to-Action: If you’re finding this season challenging, you’re not alone. Share your experiences or seek support. Let’s build a community where we can navigate the complexities together.
Going Deeper: The first step towards moving into a state of flourish is to set your sights on it. #PrincipalinBalance**
What do you want to do? And how can you do it well? Most importantly, what needs to come off your plate so the work that you do is fulfilling, enjoyable, and obtainable during a season of sadness or unexpected circumstances?
In the spirit of “The Body Keeps the Score” and Mayo Clinic’s insights on holiday stress, let’s embrace the opportunity to flourish this season.
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