I caught myself taking on someone else’s “monkey.”

If you’ve read Todd Whitaker’s work, you know the metaphor: a “monkey” is a problem or responsibility that doesn’t belong to you but somehow ends up on your back. And if you’re a leader or an educator, chances are you’ve carried more than a few monkeys that weren’t yours to carry.

Here’s how it usually happens:

• A staff member comes to you with a concern.
  
• You want to be helpful, so you say, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
  
• Suddenly, the monkey has leapt from their shoulders onto yours.

The problem? By trying to “help,” you’ve not only overloaded yourself—you’ve also robbed them of the chance to problem-solve and grow.

So what I’m working on right now is learning to hand the monkey back—with support, not guilt.

• Instead of solving right away, I ask: “What do you think the next step might be?”
  
• If they’re stuck, I guide with options: “Here are two approaches I’ve seen work—what feels best for you?”
  
• And sometimes, I simply pause and let the silence invite them to own it.
  

Leaders aren’t called to carry every monkey. We’re called to equip others to carry their own with confidence.

Because when we keep piling on monkeys that aren’t ours, we end up tired, resentful, and distracted from the responsibilities only we can do.

So here’s my reminder (to myself as much as anyone else):

Love people well. Support them. Encourage them. But give the monkey back.

Here, if you need anything,

Jessica

Grab your copy of Principal in Balance here → Principal in Balance