Recently, I received a thoughtful message from a school leader navigating a tension many principals quietly carry.

I’m in my eighth year as a principal and trying to build sustainability. I find myself feeling guilty when I’m not at every basketball game, tennis match, Science Olympiad competition, dance performance, or cross-country meet. There are so many activities in our K–8 school, and I have this “ideal principal” in my mind who attends most of them. But that pace isn’t sustainable. It would burn me out and leaves little time for the work I still need to complete after hours. How do you balance the ideal and the real? Did you struggle with this? What does a healthy balance look like?

The Quiet Pressure to Be Everywhere

You’re showing up.
The basketball games.
The concerts.
The science fair.
The cross-country meet.
The family nights.

Your community sees you in the stands.

From the outside, it looks like the picture of a committed school leader.

But here’s the question many principals don’t slow down long enough to ask:

What if the principal you’re trying to be isn’t sustainable?

School leadership carries a quiet expectation:
Be visible.
Be supportive.
Be present everywhere.

And for a while, it feels right.

Students notice when you’re there.
Parents appreciate it.
Staff feel supported.

But over time, that visibility can quietly turn into pressure — the belief that you need to attend everything.

And when that happens, three things begin to erode.

1. Presence Becomes Performance

When leaders try to be everywhere, presence turns into obligation.

You’re at the game — but checking the clock.
You’re at the concert — but thinking about the emails waiting at home.
You’re in the room — but mentally solving tomorrow’s problems.

Your community doesn’t need a principal who appears everywhere.

They need a leader who is fully present when they are there.

2. Leadership Energy Depletes

Evenings fill.
Days start earlier to catch up.
Work stretches later into the night.

And the leadership work that requires the most clarity — decision making, coaching staff, navigating difficult conversations — gets squeezed into the margins.

Exhaustion doesn’t make leaders better. It makes them reactive.

3. Support Gets Misdefined

Somewhere along the way, many principals absorb the belief that support means physical attendance.

But students don’t measure care by how many events you attend.

They measure it by how you greet them in the hallway the next morning.

Teachers don’t measure leadership by how many games you attend.

They measure it by how consistently you support them during the school day.

Being everywhere is not the same as being supportive.

A Personal Confession

Have I struggled with this?

Absolutely.

There was a stretch early in my career when my family would tell me an event started twenty minutes earlier than it actually did — because they knew I would be running late.

I was bouncing from one event to the next.
A concert.
Then a game.
Then another event across town.

I’m not proud of that season of leadership.

But I share it because if you’re feeling this pressure, I want you to know:

I understand it.

Many of us started our leadership careers believing that good principals showed up everywhere.

It took time for me to realize that pace wasn’t sustainable — and it wasn’t the kind of leadership I wanted to model.

A Shift That Helped

One change helped me more than anything else.

Instead of trying to attend to everything, I started choosing one thing.

When I was a middle school principal, our administrative assistant helped organize the calendar so I could attend one event for each team or group.

Instead of trying to make every concert, game, robotics competition, and performance, I chose one.

Sometimes those events are stacked together, and I might attend two or three in one evening.

But just as importantly, I protected evenings when I went home.

Evenings where I could rest, be with my family, and recalibrate for the next day.

Because leadership isn’t a sprint.

It’s work we hope to sustain for years.

One Leadership Pause

Before you automatically add the next evening event to your calendar, pause.

Not a long pause.

Just a leadership pause.

Ask yourself:

Where does my presence create the most meaningful connection right now?
What pace of visibility can I sustain for the long run?

Because leadership isn’t proven by how many events you attend.

It’s proven by the energy, clarity, and steadiness you bring to the work that only you can do.

Slow Leadership Is a Practice — Not a Post.

If this resonated with you, you don’t need more noise. You need steadiness.

If you’re ready to go deeper:

→ Principal in Balance
Practical strategies for leading well at work and living well beyond it.

→ Bring This Conversation to Your Team
Keynotes and workshops that challenge hustle culture and build sustainable leadership systems.

→ Leadership Coaching
For leaders ready to move from impressive to sustainable.

Have a Leadership Question?

The real work of leadership isn’t tidy. If you’re carrying something — a tension, a doubt, a hard decision — you can ask here.

Big or small. Named or anonymous.

I won’t pretend to have every answer. But I will meet you with clarity, practical thinking, and steady reflection.

Submit your question here: Question for Dr. Cabeen