…How are you?
…No, really.

I originally wanted to call this post “The Year I Cried in Line Buying a Glass Christmas Tree.”

Last weekend, I was wrapping up my final paper for the semester and decided to take a much-needed brain break to pick up some Christmas gifts. My plan was simple: stop by the Glass Orchard to grab a few ornaments. What I didn’t anticipate was the emotional reaction I’d have the moment I saw a small blue glass Christmas tree on display.

As soon as I walked in, that little tree transported me to my childhood—adjusting the tiny lights on my grandmother’s beloved green glass tree, year after year. It was a ritual, a labor of love that I cherished. This summer, my grandmother passed away at the age of 99, and in that moment, the weight of that loss hit me all over again.

For many of us, the holidays bring a mix of emotions. It’s a time of joy and togetherness, but for those facing grief, loss, or unspoken challenges, this season can also feel isolating. For the past thirteen years, the stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas has brought a wave of complex emotions. As an adoptive parent, navigating this season can be uniquely difficult, marked by the weight of unmet expectations, heightened emotions, and the delicate balance of creating joy while managing the unseen struggles that often come with adoption.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

As I stood in that ornament shop, tears started welling up, and at first, I couldn’t even pinpoint why. It wasn’t until I took a moment to breathe and connect the dots that I realized the blue tree reminded me of my grandmother. Dr. Amit Sood says, “Expressing authentic emotions is good for your health.” Sometimes, the hardest part is simply giving yourself permission to feel.

This reminder brought to mind Psalm 34:18, which says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God doesn’t ask us to hide our pain or pretend we’re fine; He invites us to bring our emotions to Him. Sometimes, the hardest part is simply giving yourself permission to feel—trusting that in our vulnerability, He is present, offering comfort and strength.

Don’t Judge Yourself

As the tears flowed, I felt the urge to grab my things and leave—embarrassed by my emotions in a room full of cheerful shoppers. But I paused and reminded myself: judging our emotions only deepens the discomfort. Instead, I gave myself permission to feel, even when it felt inconvenient. Moments like these can teach us to honor our emotions rather than push them aside. 

Here’s a practical tip: when you’re overwhelmed by feelings in a public space, take a deep breath, acknowledge what you’re experiencing without judgment, and find a small grounding action—like focusing on an object nearby or placing your hand on your heart. These simple practices can transform a vulnerable moment into a powerful one, reminding you that your emotions are valid, no matter where or when they arise.

Share Your Feelings

Thankfully, a kind staff member approached me and gently asked if I was okay. For once, I didn’t give the automatic “I’m fine” response. I explained why the tree had struck such a chord. She listened, shared her thoughts about how art evokes emotions we often bury, and gave me space to share a few stories about my grandmother. 

By the time I left, I had not only my intended ornaments for friends but also that blue glass tree—a piece of art that will forever remind me of both the ache of missing her and the joy of our shared memories.

I might never forget the day in that store, losing it like one of those tearful This Is Us episode moments—standing there overwhelmed and raw. But over time, that moment will fade, and what will remain are the memories of my grandmother: her warmth, her wisdom, and the stories she shared. The blue tree, now softly glowing in my home, will forever be a symbol of her love and the deep connection that shaped so much of my life—a quiet reminder of the legacy she left behind.

If you’re struggling this season, give yourself permission to feel, and know that you’re never truly alone. And please reach out for help.